Friday, August 05, 2005
visiting the parents....
Yes with a title like that, you know what's coming...
I've just spent TOO MUCH TIME with my in laws. My own that is, not The Antagonist's. Compared to mine, they're a nice breeze on a hot summer's day. Mine are hot embers in hell. I was going to introduce them a little softly in this post, give you an idea of who they are, perhaps be fair on them, show they're not all bad, not all-controlling, manipulating beasts with no ability to be self-deprecating whatsoever. Then I realised they\re not worth it. I have given them the benefit of the doubt too many times already, too often we come to stay, so that THEY can see THEIR grand child, and too often do we leave what was supposed to be a holiday DESPERATELY needing another one.
Put simply, they are driving me MAD. And I don't mean that in a cute "oh, aren't my folks quirky?"-kind of way. OH NO! I mean that is a full-on "get me out of here!" kind of way!
I used to think I had quite a normal, balanced family. My father, a successful corporate, my mother juggled carreer and children, household and pets, and me and my sister were good at school, well behaved and too fucking cute. (aggression alert is on high, so excuse my un-called for swearing!). Now I realise that in fact what my family is, is highly controlled and constructed. My parents had an ideal of what they thought the "perfect family" was like, and that was how we were expected to behave. I took piano lessons, my sister played the flute. We were SO CLOSE KNIT you just wouldn't believe it. We did EVERYTHING together, in fact, I can't remember one occasion my parents went out for a meal without us. What I do remember, is them telling me thay never went out for meals without us. We never had baby sitters, they never had any time off, it was nuclear family all the way!
STOP I CAN'T BREATHE!!!!!
Now i have my own family. I have The Antagonist, I have the little Monster Child adn there is me, adult me. Adult me with needs, desires and wants. Who needs space. Who can't stay with her mother 24/7 - I AM A MOTHER NOW, I DON'T NEED ONE!! I wish they could understand that we don't want to PLAN every day down to the last minute. I don't need to fill my days with activities that can't be changed. I don't want to promise to come to dinner at a set time every day. NOr do I want to be invited, and so feel like i am disappointing anyone by turning them down. I don't want to be treated like a child, I am not a child. I am a woman, with my own child who needs me to be an adult and look after her. I can't be an adult when you're treating me like a child!!!
This is a very messy post. I can't go through it and sort it out. If I do, I'll start making excuses for them, I'll say how they MEAN well, how they only want the best for me, and how they want to see their grandchild all the time, and how I should appreciate everything they're doing for me. Except the days of excuses are over. The little bird has flown and unless a few things changes around here,. she won't ever want to come back.
One day my daughter will come home with her new man, her own children and her own family. I pray to a God I don't know exist that I will be reflexive about her need for space, that I will accept that she is no longer my little girl and that *I* am no longer *her family*. But for now I pray my mother and father will realise that and give me a break.
My in-laws are the worst, especially my husband's mother. Don't even get me started. But she is the reason we're getting divorced. IF we do end up doing that, I mean. I'm trying to fight it, but she just hurts me so badly that all I can think about is getting away from here. And with my husband out of town all the time, it's worse!
Can I come live with you? I'll take on your parents and in-laws any day. Hee hee!
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I've just spent TOO MUCH TIME with my in laws. My own that is, not The Antagonist's. Compared to mine, they're a nice breeze on a hot summer's day. Mine are hot embers in hell. I was going to introduce them a little softly in this post, give you an idea of who they are, perhaps be fair on them, show they're not all bad, not all-controlling, manipulating beasts with no ability to be self-deprecating whatsoever. Then I realised they\re not worth it. I have given them the benefit of the doubt too many times already, too often we come to stay, so that THEY can see THEIR grand child, and too often do we leave what was supposed to be a holiday DESPERATELY needing another one.
Put simply, they are driving me MAD. And I don't mean that in a cute "oh, aren't my folks quirky?"-kind of way. OH NO! I mean that is a full-on "get me out of here!" kind of way!
I used to think I had quite a normal, balanced family. My father, a successful corporate, my mother juggled carreer and children, household and pets, and me and my sister were good at school, well behaved and too fucking cute. (aggression alert is on high, so excuse my un-called for swearing!). Now I realise that in fact what my family is, is highly controlled and constructed. My parents had an ideal of what they thought the "perfect family" was like, and that was how we were expected to behave. I took piano lessons, my sister played the flute. We were SO CLOSE KNIT you just wouldn't believe it. We did EVERYTHING together, in fact, I can't remember one occasion my parents went out for a meal without us. What I do remember, is them telling me thay never went out for meals without us. We never had baby sitters, they never had any time off, it was nuclear family all the way!
STOP I CAN'T BREATHE!!!!!
Now i have my own family. I have The Antagonist, I have the little Monster Child adn there is me, adult me. Adult me with needs, desires and wants. Who needs space. Who can't stay with her mother 24/7 - I AM A MOTHER NOW, I DON'T NEED ONE!! I wish they could understand that we don't want to PLAN every day down to the last minute. I don't need to fill my days with activities that can't be changed. I don't want to promise to come to dinner at a set time every day. NOr do I want to be invited, and so feel like i am disappointing anyone by turning them down. I don't want to be treated like a child, I am not a child. I am a woman, with my own child who needs me to be an adult and look after her. I can't be an adult when you're treating me like a child!!!
This is a very messy post. I can't go through it and sort it out. If I do, I'll start making excuses for them, I'll say how they MEAN well, how they only want the best for me, and how they want to see their grandchild all the time, and how I should appreciate everything they're doing for me. Except the days of excuses are over. The little bird has flown and unless a few things changes around here,. she won't ever want to come back.
One day my daughter will come home with her new man, her own children and her own family. I pray to a God I don't know exist that I will be reflexive about her need for space, that I will accept that she is no longer my little girl and that *I* am no longer *her family*. But for now I pray my mother and father will realise that and give me a break.
My in-laws are the worst, especially my husband's mother. Don't even get me started. But she is the reason we're getting divorced. IF we do end up doing that, I mean. I'm trying to fight it, but she just hurts me so badly that all I can think about is getting away from here. And with my husband out of town all the time, it's worse!
Can I come live with you? I'll take on your parents and in-laws any day. Hee hee!
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