vodka & tonic

more moaning....

2005-08-11T10:39:00.000+01:00

(background info on my parents. they are mad. they don't believe in paracetamol. they rather you burned to death in a slow, painful death than allow you to take any kind of medication. also, they think they know best. Last time they looked after my daughter, she had a temperature, was really sick and floppy all day and because of their stupid ignorant attitudes, they directly disobeyed my instructions, and refused to give her paracetamol. I was FUMING. and i told them off. today, they were taking her off for the day again. She is much much better, but I worry that she might relapse. So I gave instructions which resulted in the following conversation....

me: "please PLEASE if she is feeling hot or just floppy or aything, JUST GIVE HER SOME PARACETAMOL!"

my dad: "yes OF COURSE WE WILL. Last time we didn't know if she was SICK so we didn't want to give her any"

me: "WHAT? YOU told ME to take her to the doctor, OF COURSE YOUR THOUGHT SHE WAS SICK and you SHOULD have given her the paracetamol! LIKE I TOLD YOU TO!!!"

my dad:"blah blah mumble mumble"

my mum: "we didn't want to give her.. we didn't know if.."

me: "YES YOU SHOULD HAVE BECAUSE I TOLD YOU TO"

my mum: "yes well, end of discussion"

me: "NO NOT END OF DISCUSSION. You didn't give her last time even though I TOLD YOU TO. AND TODAY YOU WILL IF SHE NEEDS IT. BECAUSE I AM TELLING YOU TO. "

my mum: "ja da ja da, we get it we will, leave it now."

me: "NO, I WON'T LEAVE IT. FROM NOW ON YOU WILL GIVEHER PARACETAMOL WHENEVER I TELL YOU TO REGARDLESS OF WHAT *YOU* THINK"

+ + + + + + + + + +

ARGH!!!

my advice to you. If you have kids, don't tell your parents...

visiting the parents....

2005-08-05T12:27:00.000+01:00

Yes with a title like that, you know what's coming...

I've just spent TOO MUCH TIME with my in laws. My own that is, not The Antagonist's. Compared to mine, they're a nice breeze on a hot summer's day. Mine are hot embers in hell. I was going to introduce them a little softly in this post, give you an idea of who they are, perhaps be fair on them, show they're not all bad, not all-controlling, manipulating beasts with no ability to be self-deprecating whatsoever. Then I realised they\re not worth it. I have given them the benefit of the doubt too many times already, too often we come to stay, so that THEY can see THEIR grand child, and too often do we leave what was supposed to be a holiday DESPERATELY needing another one.

Put simply, they are driving me MAD. And I don't mean that in a cute "oh, aren't my folks quirky?"-kind of way. OH NO! I mean that is a full-on "get me out of here!" kind of way!

I used to think I had quite a normal, balanced family. My father, a successful corporate, my mother juggled carreer and children, household and pets, and me and my sister were good at school, well behaved and too fucking cute. (aggression alert is on high, so excuse my un-called for swearing!). Now I realise that in fact what my family is, is highly controlled and constructed. My parents had an ideal of what they thought the "perfect family" was like, and that was how we were expected to behave. I took piano lessons, my sister played the flute. We were SO CLOSE KNIT you just wouldn't believe it. We did EVERYTHING together, in fact, I can't remember one occasion my parents went out for a meal without us. What I do remember, is them telling me thay never went out for meals without us. We never had baby sitters, they never had any time off, it was nuclear family all the way!

STOP I CAN'T BREATHE!!!!!

Now i have my own family. I have The Antagonist, I have the little Monster Child adn there is me, adult me. Adult me with needs, desires and wants. Who needs space. Who can't stay with her mother 24/7 - I AM A MOTHER NOW, I DON'T NEED ONE!! I wish they could understand that we don't want to PLAN every day down to the last minute. I don't need to fill my days with activities that can't be changed. I don't want to promise to come to dinner at a set time every day. NOr do I want to be invited, and so feel like i am disappointing anyone by turning them down. I don't want to be treated like a child, I am not a child. I am a woman, with my own child who needs me to be an adult and look after her. I can't be an adult when you're treating me like a child!!!

This is a very messy post. I can't go through it and sort it out. If I do, I'll start making excuses for them, I'll say how they MEAN well, how they only want the best for me, and how they want to see their grandchild all the time, and how I should appreciate everything they're doing for me. Except the days of excuses are over. The little bird has flown and unless a few things changes around here,. she won't ever want to come back.

One day my daughter will come home with her new man, her own children and her own family. I pray to a God I don't know exist that I will be reflexive about her need for space, that I will accept that she is no longer my little girl and that *I* am no longer *her family*. But for now I pray my mother and father will realise that and give me a break.

images...

2005-07-11T18:07:00.000+01:00

i think I am deleting this blog. I mean, who'd miss it right?

Test

2005-07-01T12:03:00.000+01:00

I've been staring at it for a good 5 minutes, willing it to change, but I think we can safely say there is no need to put all my plans on hold this month either.

thanks for the comment though, Red, it made my day!

Why do I feel so sad?

Acclimatization

2005-06-26T16:02:00.000+01:00

I think I have Acclimatized. I no longer feel like fainting when i get up too quickly, although I am feeling a bit whacked today. I think too many vodka's last night didn't help.

in fact, if I wasn't pretty damn sure i wasn't, I'd think I was pregnant. I have that weird feeling of being quite weak and just wanting to sleep. at strange times in the day. And i feel a bit low on energy. But of course I am not. I am on the pill and I only just had my period. I am not. I AM NOT. Please, God, I hope I am not. that would really be bad timing...

Gulp.

heatstroke

2005-06-20T18:26:00.000+01:00

i am sweating whilst having a shower.

this is not good.

i need a cold drink.....

stalking...

2005-06-17T12:22:00.000+01:00

i am being stalked. Not in here, this is *still* a safe haven, although it is rather quiet at the moment, but it is here for moments like THIS and right now i need it.

Yes I am being stalked. Or followed might be a better word. Someone I know, who is obviously very bored, keeps following the links off my *other* blog, which has my blogroll for the people I usually read, and reading them too. I don't mind this, as of course they are not *my* blogs and everyeone can read any blog they like, but this person is like family, he is close to me, he is not a blogger and he keeps mailing me and this big group of friends I have on a mailing list about posts from the blogs i read. Does this make sense? He'll write to everyone saying "wow you 've got to read this!" knowing full well I have made a comment on that post, and hence it feels like my comments are no longer private. I know they aren't anyway, as all blogs are public and if i choose to bear my soul I do it knowing full well anyone can read it. But it still feels weird.. Cos now *all* my friends can read them. Which they wouldn't normally. And by sending these mails out, this person is also very clearly telling *ME* that he is reaing my comments. He is making it very clear indeed that he knows where I go, who I read and what I say. Does this make sense? Am i *allowed* to feel this way? Or am I overreacting???

not my day, week, month or year.

2005-06-09T11:50:00.000+01:00

this just keeps getting better. I am now in Intense Period Cramps-land and is incommunicado till it has passed.

i know i know i am too kind...

2005-06-07T11:33:00.000+01:00

thanks for your kind words, I was really pissed off yesterday, but feeling better today. these people are lovely people, and you know, really good, supportive friends, just this one this really gets to me.

Today its sunny and gorgeous and I am all smiles again! :-)

maybe summer is finally here....

the perfect hostess..

2005-06-06T12:42:00.000+01:00

i *am* a perfect hostess.. honestly.

On saturday our friends (another couple) came around and as were about to ligth the bbq, we invited them to stay. They popped off home to get some stuff and we started preparing.

Now I don't mind entertaining and I don't mind last minute arrangements and I appreciate not everyone have a fridge full of food and booze, but on saturday we provided a LOVELY meal (a lovely EXPENSIVE meal, may i add) tons of alcohol and all sorts of various snacks, vegatables, burgers, crisps, you name it, and we didn't even get a thanks!!!

I couldn't believe it. They did ring a bottle of beer around (yes WHOLE bottle of beer) and they did provide some interesting conversation, but jesus! what about a "wow thanks that was lovely, we'll have to do that again soon, around ours!"

no. nothing.

I don't know. these people are some of our best friends (I've known them 8 years or so now) and we spend a lot of time with them, but we're always around ours, we always drinks our booze and eat our food and I suppose after 8 years I am starting to get a big sick of it...

am i unreasonable?

Randomness...

2005-05-26T17:55:00.000+01:00

First things first, I am in Europe. Northish and I thought this was springtime over here. I was wrong. Today there's a haze of icy water hanging everywhere and I don't like it. Luckily I am going away somewhere hot next week. That'll be nice and as I don't post very often over here anyway, I suppose no one is going to miss me really.
But Red, if you read this, I left you an obscure message sometime early this week to try and let you know what my other blog is, but I think it was a bit strange, so maybe you didn\t get it ! Sorry, i am not very clear at times....
I like this little blog, but I am tempted to give it up. I don't really post here much and at the moment I've got too many things on. Then other times I think it doesn't matter I'll just keep it going on a low-maintenance kind of way, and see where it leads...
but now i am off to pack for my holiday...

Where did spring go?

2005-05-19T11:43:00.000+01:00

I swear it was warmer and sunnier last week? Why did it decide to get cold and wet again... I hate this country....

I am such a bad blogger

2005-05-14T11:54:00.000+01:00

THe thing is I am not, I am a really good blogger, but this was always intended to be my moaning blog and although I have a LOT to moan about at the moment (welcome to my life) most of it can be said in my "other" blog (i./e it's not too offensive) and so I tend not to blog over here...

I dunno, maybe this just wasn't worth it, maybe i don't need to be all ranty and raving and irritating adn trying to get up people's backsides. Maybe I am just too balanced as a person, too controlled and decent. HAHAHA.

Last night I dreamt I was in love with AND STALKING a really old man. it was really disturbing and for once i was really happy to wake up. he wasn't even one of those good looking old men, like Jeremy Irons or Sean Connery, he was really not very attractive at all. but he had an interesting mind and was very intelligent. How sad.

Mayday!

2005-05-01T22:45:00.000+01:00

Hurrah! workers of the world unite against the evil capitalists!!

Check out some seriously interesting copyleft material to undermine the big guns on this fine first of may 2005. About time some one took on the makers of Dora the Freaking Explorer (thanks Mimi, I can but agree!) and the evil multinationals (GO COURTNEY!). I still haven't got my CC button up on this crap little blog, but I will and it will be all yours to reuse, remix and mash, rip and burn!

Out (thanks, Brett).

the irony...

2005-04-28T14:29:00.000+01:00

last night I slept like a baby, no horrid dreams, no getting up and walking about, no interrupting The Antagonist's sweet dreams, and... what was that my darling?

Oh yes, the first night in AGES I am sleeping properly, and what happens.. The Antagonist decides to get up and start shouting at me. IN HIS SLEEP!

He wakes me up, completely disturbed, his eyes really wild, and he shouts:

"Mrs Meme! can you stop getting up all the time, I can't sleep!!"

Then he lies back down and gently goes back to sleep.

I think we're either haunted or going mad.

More dreams..

2005-04-27T09:32:00.000+01:00

I have really got to stop sleeping. I just do too mjch fucked up shit when I am asleep and it is not only driving The Antagonist up the wall, it is starting to worry me as well. Like, who dreams her husband is a three headed monster coming to cut your head off to add to him own. I sure don't. What i *do* dream is that he is a one headed monster coming to eat me alive. yes I kid you not. The Antagonist, in my dreams, is a cannibal.

So in the middle of the night I wake up, all sweaty and shit scared and he is lying there peacefully dreaming of something warm and sweet (most likely me! ;-)) and I CAN'T GO BACK TO SLEEP AS I AM TOO SHIT SCARED!

I need help.

sex

2005-04-25T17:52:00.000+01:00

oh yes, we had sex last night. I can't actually remember the last time we had sex, fucked, so to speak, quite like that. Usually these days The Antagonist is too tired or I am exhausted or we simply don't find time. And when we do find time and we do have sex, it has gotten quite regimented and predictable...

But last night, after a massive argument, we went a bit mad, bit like the old days, you know...? Like when it last a little bit longer than you expect and your legs ache slightly the next day, and he looks you deep in the eyes just as you're about to come, and whispers "god you're beautiful, I wish we could stay like this forever"

yes i know. he loves me. :-) I've been bouncing quite a lot today.....

YUK

2005-04-21T19:07:00.000+01:00

Yes, i've been puking for a week. The risk of leaving nice lumps of half digested food all over my lovely laptop hasn't been that tempting, and hence I've not been blogging. Not that anyone's been here anyway, as hehe, nobody knows about this stupid blog and i don't care to surf around all the blogs that "generate traffic" advertising myself. I am so sick of the blogging game, to be honest. I love blogging and I love writing and I love reading blogs, but I just hate this infantile popularity contest that's going on everywhere. People blogrolling like they've nothing better to do, leaving comments all over cyberspace like dogs marking territory. And then, when someone actually voice an OPINION on either of their blogs, GOD FORBID!, you're immediately labelled anti-social or downright rude. And, NO, i am NOT referring to RUDE ANTI-SOCIAL comments, I mean OPINIONS, THOUGHTS and god forbid, PASSION about issues that (at least in my humble opinion) *should* concern people, not just those of us that aren't afraid to speak up.

Anyway, I think I'll stick to my own corner here, where i can be as rude as the fuck I'd like, and let the rest of Blog-world mind its own passive business...

typical bloody men!

2005-04-17T07:57:00.000+01:00

Last night:

mr meme: "my darling, tomorrow I'll get up with the monster baby, so you can have a lie in"
me: "wow, that;s great, are you sure?"
mr meme: "yes, I'll go to the supermarket and get fresh bread so we can have a fresh breakfast for a change"
me "wow, i must have the best husband in the world"

this morning
me: "darling, she's screaming"
mr meme: "mmrrrgggghhmmm"
me: "shall i just get up"
mr meme: "NO! I am getting up, but it's 7.30!! it doens't harm her to scream"
me: "she's alwasy up at 7.30!"
mr meme: "no she;s not"
me: "erm, yeah doh!"
mr meme: "well, it doens't hurt her to wait. I'll get up in my own time"
me: "But then I can't sleep, as she's screaming the house down, so I might as well get up"
mr meme (really angry): "oh my god! women!"
me (getting up): "well, if you're supposed to doing my a favour then you're not, really, as i can't sleep when she's screaming the house down"
mr meme: ok, suit yourself

I got up.

I hate men! It is more effort getting HIM up to get the baby up than just getting her up myself. At least she doens't argue about it, but gives me a big smile when i come into her room...

blurgh

2005-04-17T01:18:00.000+01:00

i really shouldn't be blogging after 4 beers...

my book

2005-04-14T00:28:00.000+01:00

i printed out the first draft of my book today.

i say that, it isn't even close to finishing, but I am 11000 words down and god, they are good words.

had a HUGE argument with The Antagonist about it of course, but after we stopped arguing, he opened a bottle of wine, and after that things took a turn for the better...

I don't think I've actually mentioned my book before, and this is not the time to do so either. I just wanted to brag really.. did I do well? I think I did...

Why are men such little boys?

2005-04-11T21:51:00.000+01:00

When I go out (which is very rarely) I am very grateful to The Antagonist for staying in with the Baby Monster. I get ready and make sure the man is fed and looked well after for the evening and when I leave, I kiss him softly, tell him I love him and quietly leave the house, making sure the Baby Monster doesn't wake up as I close the door behind me.

When The Antagonist is going out, he announces it matter of factly and laughs loudly as his friend rings the door bell (twice! just in case the Monster Baby didn't hear it the first time). He then announces "Hey hey hey! The blokes are going out!" and him and his moron friends slam the door behind them before they run off down the road shouting "The boys are free! No responsibility tonight! The boys are out! Hey hey hey!"

Sometimes I wonder why he got married at all...

Then I wonder why I did...

Invasion of Privacy

2005-04-11T10:44:00.000+01:00

There are so many things that comes with married life, or even just with living together.

The Antagonist, my so called better half (we all know who's best!) once used my expensive, luxurious face cream that even *I* only use on special occasions, on his, oh god it kills me to say this, on his FEET! oh yeah. his stinking, hairy feet covered in my silky smooth, really fukcing expensive moisturiser!

I had forgotten all about this, when a post by the always hilarious Mimi made me relive this moment of horror.

Does anyone know where one can buy bathroom cupboard locks??

thanksyous

2005-04-11T07:13:00.000+01:00

I would first like to thank all you unbashful bloggers for your optimistic comments about my tit blog. it is reassuring to know you don't have to be Dooce to talk about tits around here (although of course that helps) :-)

Today is monday and if course my little monster child decided she no longer needs 12 hours sleep, 4 will do just fine, so we are both rather jet lagged and tired.

She also decided to find a used Q-tip in the bathroom bin to bring me as a morning present, isn't she CUTE! if anyone wants to adopt, let me know...

this is SUCH a monday morning and I am SO grumpy!

OH NO!!!

2005-04-09T17:49:00.000+01:00

just realised I left a message on Michele's meet and greet and the top post on my blog is about my TITS. How embarrassing!!

hope i get this up before someone comes along...

*blushing....*

bits

2005-04-08T13:21:00.000+01:00

My husband has discovered my tits.

I know they are very small and probably hard to find, but after almost a year of marriage, I suppose it was about time.

It started as a joke, when after some wrestling, he managed to photograph them. I don't say this without blushing, and it didn't get any better when he decided to announce his latest hobby to our friends. I felt really exposed.

Then I had a look at the photo (yes i hack his mobile phone, who doesn't?) and I thought, hey, they look kinda cute!

To degrade myself even more, I decided this morning to send him a present.

It is actually really hard photographing your own tits with a mobile phone, but I managed in the end, and after negotiating with myself for some time, i sent him the picture message. Then I realised I was actually getting a kick out of it.

AND ON THE DAY OF THE POPE'S FUNERAL??

I will most certainly burn in hell.....

great blog?

2005-04-07T14:11:00.000+01:00

Today I saw one of those skirts in a shop in town, you know the kind I mean where the belt (regardless of size) is wider than the skirt, and you have to shave your BUM even in order not to offend anyone as you're walking down the street.

Well, The Antagonist and I were in town last summer, when one of these skirts walked past us. Now The Antagonist has never been much of a looker, I mean he *looks* but he doesn't *stare* and most importantly he is quite subtle about it, so I won't get pissed off. Now this skirt REALLY caught his attention. He didn't just look, his tongue was licking the pavement in front of him! I coudln't believe my eyes (it belongs to the story that I was just about to give birth to our daughter, so you can imagine my self-image wasn't at its best).

"Did you notice her?" I ventured to ask him, quite innocently.
"Notice who?"

THE CHEEK!

"The woman who caused you to DROOL like a PUPPY," was my answer, and he got that REALLY GUILTY look on his face, when he can't stop laughing because he can only IMAGINE what's going on in my head and only DREAM of getting out of this mess and only PREY I'll let him off with all limbs intact.

"I didn't see anyone" he insisted.
"oh well," i said,"I guess you missed her then... you'd have liked her. nice arse"

He turned to look behind us, where she was disappearing into the crow.
"Oh, her, no I hadn't noticed her" he said.

Then he walked into a lamp post.

I have never felt so vindicated...

Neighbours

2005-04-06T09:44:00.000+01:00

We have had endless problems with our neighbours. And no it's not US, it's THEM.

We live in an old terraced house about 150 years old (yes dad, older than your house, i know it comes as a surprise that ANYONE can live in a house older than YOURS but trust me, lots of people do). Downstairs our charming landlord has been renting out a flat the size of a stamp to various people over the years.

First we had Kevin. Kevin was interesting. I don't think Kevin knew what soap and water was. He certainly didn't know what a job was, and when Kevin's girlfriend (god protect and bless her ignorant little soul) got pregnant he didn't seem to know that no, you CAN'T have an abortion after 25 weeks.

Kevin liked to play guitar. He particularly liked to play guitar at 4 am, and the only thing he liked more than playing guitar at 4 am was to plug it into the amplifier, turn the volum RIGHT up and THEN play guitar at 4am. WITH the window open. Did I mention Kevin didn't know HOW to play the guitar?

The day Kevin moved was historical. We cracked open a bottle of Canard-Duchene, danced around the house naked shouting obscenities and behaivng like ravin lunatics. It was a happy day.

This of course made the hang-over twice as bad. I don't know who moved in next, but let's say they went from one guy, to two, three and finally four guys. I don't even know if they were in the country legally (I would *hate* to make judgements yeah right), but they were four grown men living (may I remind you) in a flat the size of a stamp. Luckily they slept most of the day and worked most of the night, but they did like to argue before they went to work, so between 7pm and 9pm we had trouble hearing the TV. No, we had trouble hearing ourselves THINK.

This went on for some months, when finally one day they all moved out and all went quiet. And I mean eerily quiet. Nobody came, nobody went. We started wondering if the landlord had died and left no one to look after the place, but we would not be so lucky. Instead, one fine day, someone arrived to start doing the place up. For months we had builders (luckily builders only work in the day, so at least we could sleep at night – of course my daytime napping was quite badly affected – not that I sleep in the day a lot or anything….)

About three weeks ago, a northern lady with a big belly (not pregnant, just fat) moved in. She seemed really nice, and quiet, and looked like a typical 30+ overweight woman with no friends and no boyfriend who would go to bed at half nine and make minimal noise.

OH WE SHOULD NOT BE SO LUCKY

This woman has a FATHER. Yes, a father, who comes around, shouts a lot and then leaves again.

What have we done to deserve this? Why can’t we just have peace and quiet..

And wasn’t I right – it’s THEM, NOT US!!

chocolate

2005-03-30T00:15:00.000+01:00

The Antagonist doesn't like chocolate. He finds it sickly, and whenever I buy some (which to be fair is not very often) he pulls faces and makes fun of me.

The other day I surprised him in the kitchen with his mouth tightly shut - with a face much like our daughter's when she is caught doing something she's not supposed to or has just put something wrong in her mouth. I slid up towards him, and nicely enquired what he was eating. "nowting" he replied, rather mumbled. I put my arms around him and asked for a kiss, which is laughingly refused. When I actually slid my tongue into his tightly shut mouth, I relalised. The bastard's been eating my chocolates!

Never trust a Brummy..

The Antagonist

2005-03-28T20:19:00.000+01:00

Maybe I should introduce this menace I call The Antagonist. He is currently asleep on the sofa, so it's safe for me to talk about him now, he gets scared I say nasty things about him online... as if i would...

The Antagonist is my husband. He claims I fell in love with him at first sight, but the sad truth is I didn't even fancy him untill I really really *really* fancied him and no longer knew what to do with myself if I couldn't be with him. Bit tricky, as I had a boyfriend at the time. And unlike The Antagonist, The Boyfriend was nice. Really nice, in fact. His mother liked me, his father liked me, he liked me, our friends liked us, oh god, it was too sweet to be true, and of course I wanted out. Desperately. Unfortunately for me, I don't know how to leave relationships untill it is way over time and we've got ourself so integrated into each others lives that breaking up becomes really hard, really traumatic and really fucking painful.

But that's all in The Past.

And now we're in The Present.
After almost three years of love, hate and great sex, I married The Antagonist last summer. Our daughter was a year old and I guess he decided it was high time to make an honest woman of me. He is a romantic at heart, really, but he hides it from everyone. I think I am the only one who's ever seen beneath his hard exterior and who can see the fluff that is hidden underneath. He is too clever by half, which is sometimes irritating, but mostly stimulating and sexy, he loves a good argument, hence his name...

clocks!!

2005-03-27T19:27:00.000+01:00

of course I forgot to change the clocks today, and consequently missed the supermarket...

yesterday an old *friend* came down to visit. I've not seen her for nearly two years. We were never that close, but as one of the few people that was there at the beginning of my relationship with The Antagonist, I invited her, and her partner, to our wedding. She accepted. He declined. Fair enough.

The night before the wedding, I received a text message saying she couldn't make it. No explanation, no apology, just "sorry, I've been held up in London". You bitch I thought. Then I asked an old friend to fill the gap around the table, and I thought no more of it..

About a month ago, probably about 7 months after the wedding, she contacts me. This is her first sign of life since she stood me up and reading her mail was rather sickly. She was really sorry, and more so because she'd not apologised, not been in touch, and - most inportantly - not sent our wedding present. I did my polite reply, no worries blah blah, and The Antagonist murmured from the sofa "I bet you she wants to come down and visit! Why else would she be in touch with you so suddenly, out of the lue?"

I hate it when he's right.

needing help

2005-03-26T11:19:00.000Z

I've been recommended to see a therapist by many people I've met. My ex-boyfriend thought "perhaps I should talk to someone about that" (yada yada) and a mate I have told me that seeing her therapist is her biggest form for self-indulgence and she does it purely to treat herself. One our of speaking about herself guaranteed once a month, I guess for some that is quite a relief. I am not sure, however, what it is about me that makes people recommend it to me. Do i have a "I NEED HELP!" sign printed on my forehead? am I sending out "desperately in need of talking" without knowing it??

I suggested to The Antagonist that maybe I should see someone - I've had a lot on my plate after all, and with my family background anyone could be in need of a little help. Unlike my previous partners, however, The Antagonist went spare. "Did I know anything about seeing psychologists?" "Did I know how they work?" "Did I have any idea that much less than curing me, they were likely to make me actually sick!?"

Two days later, a new copy of Anti-Oedipus by Deleuze and Guattari made it's way to my bedside table with the inscription. "you're not ill, my darling, you're just you".

I guess that's nice....

a little corner of peace

2005-03-25T19:10:00.000Z

Hopefully nobody I know will find this.

If they do, they might be offended. This is where I intend to write exactly how I feel about everyone, no censorship, no little miss nice, no protecting people's feelings.

(the fact that I am terrified of saying what I really feel most of the time, might be a problem, but then again maybe not. If no one knows, then noone will read, and hence it won't be a problem to talk) (I am a pea brain and that is pea brain logic)

I'll introduce myself shortly, in the meantime, watch out for the changing template, I am quite nerdy when it comes to fiddling with the layout... hehe...